Key words and key questions to ask yourself...

When making changes: We have all been in a difficult situation. Some of us have been in many difficult situations. What is the first thing we do when we try something? Well, if we have never done it before, we usually ask someone that has done it. We do this so we can get an idea of how the task went for them, or more specifically, how difficult the task was for them when they did it. If we have done it in the past, we think about the past tries and how difficult it was for us last time.
These are natural questions as we need to prepare for the challenge ahead. But what if we focused on other key words of the questions? Or, even better, what if we asked different questions?

Typical Questions:
“How hard was it?”
“What did you/I do wrong?”
“What went wrong?”

Key Words from these questions:
Hard, What, Wrong

Alternative Questions:
“What was the overall experience from start to finish?”
“What was successful?“
“What did I learn from the task?”
“How did I do it?”
“Why did I do it?”

Alternative key words:
Experience, Successful, Learn, Why

Notice the difference between the first set of questions. In the typical situation, we ask ourselves how difficult something was and what we did wrong, or what went wrong. Therefore the key words we get from the analysis are negative. They are hard, wrong and we focus on what it is that went wrong when we bring that experience up for reference. What is the feeling we get from this going into our next challenge? Well, clearly it is negative, just like the key words. More importantly, we asked questions highlighting the negative experience that we had before (or that someone else had before). Is it any wonder why we don’t want to try something again after it was already challenge for us? I see it every week when a client says they’ve tried to quit smoking or get active, but it is too hard, so they don’t know if they can do it. In fact, because of this process, they question their ability to even attempt it again.

Just by changing the questions we are able to get some other key words into the process. It helps to have someone else (coach or friend) to ask the questions, but it is very important to be able to ask yourself these questions as well. Suppose we ask what we learned from the last time. Now we know what we can expect, but even more valuable is the lesson learned. This is where experience becomes an advantage. In any area, whether it is business, sport or parenthood we hear about how important experience is. So, why is it actually a detriment in the area of our own health? Why do changes become more difficult the more we attempt them? It is more difficult because we are asking the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong key words from our experiences.

Think about the difference between focusing on experience and learning rather than past failure. Think about how much easier a change would be if we thought about what went well and tried to do it again rather than being discouraged by what went wrong. As a kid, we didn’t think about how bad it hurt when we fell off our bikes. As a kid, we just thought about how bad we wanted to be able to ride that bike and what we needed to in order to do it.

Ask yourself different questions. Think about what you learned and what you can do to make this time the right time by focusing on key words that will help you rather than hurt you. Experience should be an advantage. This is a way to use that experience and reach your goals.