Image and Reality: They are both yours and impact each other, but how?

How do you see yourself? Your self-image could be shaping your reality. I know that it is common to feel that our reality shapes our self image, but why is that? Why do we think that we are the results of our surroundings? Why do we think that we are simply products of our environment? This may sound harsh, but I have an idea:

It is easier to blame others for our circumstances. Whether we are talking about a person, a place or a specific series of events, it is always easier to point outward for justification.

You may find that offensive. You may feel that I’ve been narrow-minded with that statement. You may even start thinking of reasons that I don’t understand your situation or why it is different. You may even tell me about it (angry or not, I want to know what you are going through and how I can help you overcome it in an email, phone call or letter.) But the reality is, by continuing to look to those circumstances to justify or defend your position, you are actually reinforcing the very circumstances that are preventing you from reaching your goals.

Picture this: you are trying to reach a goal. Let’s actually go into a scenario that a client described for me. We will call her Mary. Imagine being in Mary’s shoes as she is trying to lose weight. She has started to change her diet and exercise habits and is seeing results. She has arrived at a point in her routine that feels a little more challenging. What happens? In this particular situation, she is in a busy time and finds that the schedule is a little tight, so going for her now regular walk has been getting harder this week. While she analyzes her schedule, she thinks to yourself, I’ve never been able to handle this much work AND been able to walk every evening. She instantly started to put herself back in the position she was in before she started to change. Why did she do this? She does this because she identifies with the old-her more than she does the new-her. Despite the changes she has already made, she doesn’t see herself as the person capable of the new routine.

In other words, it is easier for Mary to find a reason that it is “too difficult” for her or to justify going back to the way things were before. Her image is of the person that was overweight and didn’t exercise. In fact, she even called herself a “non-active person”. This image led Mary right back to the reality she was trying to get away from. She was making changes, but because she identified herself as the person that couldn’t sustain these changes, she couldn’t.

We’ve all had challenges that we weren’t sure could be overcome. We’ve all been where Mary is. What is the difference between people that succeed and people that fail? Well, from what I’ve seen from my clients, there is a very clear difference. That difference is the ability to stop letting the old image or circumstances continue to be the reality.

The moral of the story: Don’t let the old challenges continue to be challenges. What happened in the past will only repeat itself if you keep making it a challenge. Mary and I discussed ways to help her see herself differently and eventually, she was able to make the changes she was looking for. By looking at herself as “non-active”, she was making it harder to get active. It was going against who she was. But when she started to give herself credit for the activity that she added to her life, it was much easier for her to understand how she had already taken strides and would be able to continue on that path. That path was much easier for her once she stopped thinking about all the past circumstances that led her to identify herself as “non-active” in the first place.