How do you see yourself? Your self-image could be shaping your reality. I know that it is common to feel that our reality shapes our self image, but why is that? Why do we think that we are the results of our surroundings? Why do we think that we are simply products of our environment? This may sound harsh, but I have an idea:
It is easier to blame others for our circumstances. Whether we are talking about a person, a place or a specific series of events, it is always easier to point outward for justification.
You may find that offensive. You may feel that I’ve been narrow-minded with that statement. You may even start thinking of reasons that I don’t understand your situation or why it is different. You may even tell me about it (angry or not, I want to know what you are going through and how I can help you overcome it in an email, phone call or letter.) But the reality is, by continuing to look to those circumstances to justify or defend your position, you are actually reinforcing the very circumstances that are preventing you from reaching your goals.
Picture this: you are trying to reach a goal. Let’s actually go into a scenario that a client described for me. We will call her Mary. Imagine being in Mary’s shoes as she is trying to lose weight. She has started to change her diet and exercise habits and is seeing results. She has arrived at a point in her routine that feels a little more challenging. What happens? In this particular situation, she is in a busy time and finds that the schedule is a little tight, so going for her now regular walk has been getting harder this week. While she analyzes her schedule, she thinks to yourself, I’ve never been able to handle this much work AND been able to walk every evening. She instantly started to put herself back in the position she was in before she started to change. Why did she do this? She does this because she identifies with the old-her more than she does the new-her. Despite the changes she has already made, she doesn’t see herself as the person capable of the new routine.
In other words, it is easier for Mary to find a reason that it is “too difficult” for her or to justify going back to the way things were before. Her image is of the person that was overweight and didn’t exercise. In fact, she even called herself a “non-active person”. This image led Mary right back to the reality she was trying to get away from. She was making changes, but because she identified herself as the person that couldn’t sustain these changes, she couldn’t.
We’ve all had challenges that we weren’t sure could be overcome. We’ve all been where Mary is. What is the difference between people that succeed and people that fail? Well, from what I’ve seen from my clients, there is a very clear difference. That difference is the ability to stop letting the old image or circumstances continue to be the reality.
The moral of the story: Don’t let the old challenges continue to be challenges. What happened in the past will only repeat itself if you keep making it a challenge. Mary and I discussed ways to help her see herself differently and eventually, she was able to make the changes she was looking for. By looking at herself as “non-active”, she was making it harder to get active. It was going against who she was. But when she started to give herself credit for the activity that she added to her life, it was much easier for her to understand how she had already taken strides and would be able to continue on that path. That path was much easier for her once she stopped thinking about all the past circumstances that led her to identify herself as “non-active” in the first place.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Vacation: Take it for yourself, not from yourself
After a long weekend of relaxation, I have a lot of vacation options on my mind. This weekend (Memorial Day) was a good example of what I like to do on vacation. Now, I didn’t go anywhere, but I was able to relax and take time for some of my favorite things. My absolute favorite thing, above and beyond any activity in particular is doing what helps me feel my best.
There are a number of things that I do to help my feel my best and exercise just happens to be one of them. I’m not sharing this to imply that everyone should exercise just because I like it. What I am saying is that the reasons for my exercise are the real drivers for me. I exercise, not because I should, but because of how I feel when I do.
This comes to mind after vacation because I’ve heard many people from a trip or even just time off at home with less than desired results. They did not like the results of their actions. I have heard many of the following sentences:
“I didn’t exercise because I was on vacation.”
“I ate way too much on vacation.”
“Now that I am back from vacation, I will change my habits.”
There are many more, but these are the ones that jump out at me. They jump out because they suggest that exercise or choosing healthy eating habits are part of “real life” and when we are on vacation, we do not want any aspect of “real life” to interfere with our trip.
I understand the concept, but I don’t understand the thought process of not wanting to feel good. I guess I don’t understand that as it relates to vacation or regular everyday life. I would think that we would want to feel as good as possible…all the time.
The moral of the story is that when on vacation, do what makes you feel good. If a walk will help you clear your head, go for a walk. If fruit will help you feel light and healthy, eat it. If a vacation means getting away from the mundane and the tedious, don’t do those things. The point is, taking a vacation should be you getting away from the day to day, not you getting away from you.
More importantly: If your goals are based solely on depriving yourself, you should reassess your goals. If you are doing things you dislike and have to fight to stay with it, you should reassess your goals. If you can’t wait to stop doing something in your routine, maybe it shouldn’t be in your routine. The whole idea behind truly living healthy is making it part of your lifestyle. When you are on vacation, you don’t stop brushing your teeth, do you? No, brushing your teeth is part of your daily routine because of the results it gives you. No one wants to walk around with bad breath and teeth that are falling out…no matter how much they dislike brushing. So, when you take time for yourself, remember that it is for you and not from you. YOU will enjoy yourself and won’t feel guilty afterward.
There are a number of things that I do to help my feel my best and exercise just happens to be one of them. I’m not sharing this to imply that everyone should exercise just because I like it. What I am saying is that the reasons for my exercise are the real drivers for me. I exercise, not because I should, but because of how I feel when I do.
This comes to mind after vacation because I’ve heard many people from a trip or even just time off at home with less than desired results. They did not like the results of their actions. I have heard many of the following sentences:
“I didn’t exercise because I was on vacation.”
“I ate way too much on vacation.”
“Now that I am back from vacation, I will change my habits.”
There are many more, but these are the ones that jump out at me. They jump out because they suggest that exercise or choosing healthy eating habits are part of “real life” and when we are on vacation, we do not want any aspect of “real life” to interfere with our trip.
I understand the concept, but I don’t understand the thought process of not wanting to feel good. I guess I don’t understand that as it relates to vacation or regular everyday life. I would think that we would want to feel as good as possible…all the time.
The moral of the story is that when on vacation, do what makes you feel good. If a walk will help you clear your head, go for a walk. If fruit will help you feel light and healthy, eat it. If a vacation means getting away from the mundane and the tedious, don’t do those things. The point is, taking a vacation should be you getting away from the day to day, not you getting away from you.
More importantly: If your goals are based solely on depriving yourself, you should reassess your goals. If you are doing things you dislike and have to fight to stay with it, you should reassess your goals. If you can’t wait to stop doing something in your routine, maybe it shouldn’t be in your routine. The whole idea behind truly living healthy is making it part of your lifestyle. When you are on vacation, you don’t stop brushing your teeth, do you? No, brushing your teeth is part of your daily routine because of the results it gives you. No one wants to walk around with bad breath and teeth that are falling out…no matter how much they dislike brushing. So, when you take time for yourself, remember that it is for you and not from you. YOU will enjoy yourself and won’t feel guilty afterward.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Key words and key questions to ask yourself...
When making changes: We have all been in a difficult situation. Some of us have been in many difficult situations. What is the first thing we do when we try something? Well, if we have never done it before, we usually ask someone that has done it. We do this so we can get an idea of how the task went for them, or more specifically, how difficult the task was for them when they did it. If we have done it in the past, we think about the past tries and how difficult it was for us last time.
These are natural questions as we need to prepare for the challenge ahead. But what if we focused on other key words of the questions? Or, even better, what if we asked different questions?
Typical Questions:
“How hard was it?”
“What did you/I do wrong?”
“What went wrong?”
Key Words from these questions:
Hard, What, Wrong
Alternative Questions:
“What was the overall experience from start to finish?”
“What was successful?“
“What did I learn from the task?”
“How did I do it?”
“Why did I do it?”
Alternative key words:
Experience, Successful, Learn, Why
Notice the difference between the first set of questions. In the typical situation, we ask ourselves how difficult something was and what we did wrong, or what went wrong. Therefore the key words we get from the analysis are negative. They are hard, wrong and we focus on what it is that went wrong when we bring that experience up for reference. What is the feeling we get from this going into our next challenge? Well, clearly it is negative, just like the key words. More importantly, we asked questions highlighting the negative experience that we had before (or that someone else had before). Is it any wonder why we don’t want to try something again after it was already challenge for us? I see it every week when a client says they’ve tried to quit smoking or get active, but it is too hard, so they don’t know if they can do it. In fact, because of this process, they question their ability to even attempt it again.
Just by changing the questions we are able to get some other key words into the process. It helps to have someone else (coach or friend) to ask the questions, but it is very important to be able to ask yourself these questions as well. Suppose we ask what we learned from the last time. Now we know what we can expect, but even more valuable is the lesson learned. This is where experience becomes an advantage. In any area, whether it is business, sport or parenthood we hear about how important experience is. So, why is it actually a detriment in the area of our own health? Why do changes become more difficult the more we attempt them? It is more difficult because we are asking the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong key words from our experiences.
Think about the difference between focusing on experience and learning rather than past failure. Think about how much easier a change would be if we thought about what went well and tried to do it again rather than being discouraged by what went wrong. As a kid, we didn’t think about how bad it hurt when we fell off our bikes. As a kid, we just thought about how bad we wanted to be able to ride that bike and what we needed to in order to do it.
Ask yourself different questions. Think about what you learned and what you can do to make this time the right time by focusing on key words that will help you rather than hurt you. Experience should be an advantage. This is a way to use that experience and reach your goals.
These are natural questions as we need to prepare for the challenge ahead. But what if we focused on other key words of the questions? Or, even better, what if we asked different questions?
Typical Questions:
“How hard was it?”
“What did you/I do wrong?”
“What went wrong?”
Key Words from these questions:
Hard, What, Wrong
Alternative Questions:
“What was the overall experience from start to finish?”
“What was successful?“
“What did I learn from the task?”
“How did I do it?”
“Why did I do it?”
Alternative key words:
Experience, Successful, Learn, Why
Notice the difference between the first set of questions. In the typical situation, we ask ourselves how difficult something was and what we did wrong, or what went wrong. Therefore the key words we get from the analysis are negative. They are hard, wrong and we focus on what it is that went wrong when we bring that experience up for reference. What is the feeling we get from this going into our next challenge? Well, clearly it is negative, just like the key words. More importantly, we asked questions highlighting the negative experience that we had before (or that someone else had before). Is it any wonder why we don’t want to try something again after it was already challenge for us? I see it every week when a client says they’ve tried to quit smoking or get active, but it is too hard, so they don’t know if they can do it. In fact, because of this process, they question their ability to even attempt it again.
Just by changing the questions we are able to get some other key words into the process. It helps to have someone else (coach or friend) to ask the questions, but it is very important to be able to ask yourself these questions as well. Suppose we ask what we learned from the last time. Now we know what we can expect, but even more valuable is the lesson learned. This is where experience becomes an advantage. In any area, whether it is business, sport or parenthood we hear about how important experience is. So, why is it actually a detriment in the area of our own health? Why do changes become more difficult the more we attempt them? It is more difficult because we are asking the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong key words from our experiences.
Think about the difference between focusing on experience and learning rather than past failure. Think about how much easier a change would be if we thought about what went well and tried to do it again rather than being discouraged by what went wrong. As a kid, we didn’t think about how bad it hurt when we fell off our bikes. As a kid, we just thought about how bad we wanted to be able to ride that bike and what we needed to in order to do it.
Ask yourself different questions. Think about what you learned and what you can do to make this time the right time by focusing on key words that will help you rather than hurt you. Experience should be an advantage. This is a way to use that experience and reach your goals.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Eating Decisions
Part of living a healthy life is choosing valuable foods over junk foods. We have all been in a challenging situation of making a decision about what to eat. In fact, we have to make these decisions many times every day. While, we know that healthy foods are going to help us, it is often difficult to eat these foods. Why is this? Well, timing is a big part of it. It is difficult to choose healthy foods when we are hungry. We want what is available now.
Picture yourself in this situation:
You are sitting at your desk in the afternoon. You ate a healthy lunch at noon and it is now just about 3 pm. Since you have to work until 5, you know that you will likely need to eat again before you leave. You only have one option in the office and that is the vending machine. There are many options within the machine, but most of the items are junk. Now that you are already hungry, it is going to be difficult to avoid the junk in the vending machine. “It just looks so good.”
Solution: Bring a healthy snack to work with you. When you hit that critical time of 3 pm, you will be able to choose the healthy option because you made the choice already. By bringing it with you, you made the just as convenient as the vending machine. In fact it is more convenient because you don’t have to walk over to the machine to get it. Plus, now you don’t have to look at the junk, so there is less temptation.
Healthy snacks are a great way to make the decision easier. Planning and preparation are the keys. Plan to bring your healthy snack and prepare to eat it when you are in need of a snack. By doing this you are eating healthy and supporting your healthy lifestyle goals.
To discuss healthy options to plug into your day, simply email us coach@byrdwellnessconcepts.com
Also, share your success stories:
What helps you make healthy eating decisions?
Picture yourself in this situation:
You are sitting at your desk in the afternoon. You ate a healthy lunch at noon and it is now just about 3 pm. Since you have to work until 5, you know that you will likely need to eat again before you leave. You only have one option in the office and that is the vending machine. There are many options within the machine, but most of the items are junk. Now that you are already hungry, it is going to be difficult to avoid the junk in the vending machine. “It just looks so good.”
Solution: Bring a healthy snack to work with you. When you hit that critical time of 3 pm, you will be able to choose the healthy option because you made the choice already. By bringing it with you, you made the just as convenient as the vending machine. In fact it is more convenient because you don’t have to walk over to the machine to get it. Plus, now you don’t have to look at the junk, so there is less temptation.
Healthy snacks are a great way to make the decision easier. Planning and preparation are the keys. Plan to bring your healthy snack and prepare to eat it when you are in need of a snack. By doing this you are eating healthy and supporting your healthy lifestyle goals.
To discuss healthy options to plug into your day, simply email us coach@byrdwellnessconcepts.com
Also, share your success stories:
What helps you make healthy eating decisions?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Take Care of Yourself
The difference between prevention and treatment is significant. We understand the concept…I know we do. I see people getting oil changes, paying for warranties and keeping their things clean. I see people making sure that they are preventing problems and taking care of their cars, appliances and homes on a regular basis. We do these things without even thinking about it. Why do we take care of our belongings? We take care of them to prevent damage and to keep them working like new. We take care of these things because we don’t want them to break down. If they do break down, we don’t want to have to replace them.
Interesting concept? It makes sense, doesn’t it? What doesn’t make sense is the way we treat ourselves. I don’t understand why we don’t take the same approach with our bodies, minds and personal lives. Now, I could go on and on about what is wrong with the way things are. I could continue to point out issues and flaws, but I don’t want to. I am tired of hearing about how “bad” things are. Between the economy, health care system (and every story on the news), there isn’t much good news out there.
Well, I have some good news for you. You can be healthy and happy. We can all be healthy and we can all be happy. We are in control over our health. Whether you want to improve your physical, mental, emotional, financial, spiritual…any kind of health, you can improve it. You can do it by setting goals and putting energy into your health. Just think about how happy we would be if we put as much energy into our health as we did into the stress and turmoil that surrounds us.
I think the world would be a better place. In fact, I know it would be better. If nothing else, we would all be better equipped to handle the world because we would be taking care of ourselves. We would pass those principles on to our family and friends and they would do the same. Pretty soon, we would all be healthy and happy. The world would be healthy and happy.
Now, I would never be accused of being too “rah-rah” or overly spiritual. I would consider myself to be more logical or “realist”. For that reason, I do hope that this idea holds more power considering the source. Me, not being someone that spends all day contemplating my spiritual being or preaching philosophy from the mountain tops, I feel that this is coming from more of a logical or “realist’s” point of view.
The logic and the reality: we are in control of our health. If we take and use that control we will be happier. If we are happier, the world will be a better place.
Interesting concept? It makes sense, doesn’t it? What doesn’t make sense is the way we treat ourselves. I don’t understand why we don’t take the same approach with our bodies, minds and personal lives. Now, I could go on and on about what is wrong with the way things are. I could continue to point out issues and flaws, but I don’t want to. I am tired of hearing about how “bad” things are. Between the economy, health care system (and every story on the news), there isn’t much good news out there.
Well, I have some good news for you. You can be healthy and happy. We can all be healthy and we can all be happy. We are in control over our health. Whether you want to improve your physical, mental, emotional, financial, spiritual…any kind of health, you can improve it. You can do it by setting goals and putting energy into your health. Just think about how happy we would be if we put as much energy into our health as we did into the stress and turmoil that surrounds us.
I think the world would be a better place. In fact, I know it would be better. If nothing else, we would all be better equipped to handle the world because we would be taking care of ourselves. We would pass those principles on to our family and friends and they would do the same. Pretty soon, we would all be healthy and happy. The world would be healthy and happy.
Now, I would never be accused of being too “rah-rah” or overly spiritual. I would consider myself to be more logical or “realist”. For that reason, I do hope that this idea holds more power considering the source. Me, not being someone that spends all day contemplating my spiritual being or preaching philosophy from the mountain tops, I feel that this is coming from more of a logical or “realist’s” point of view.
The logic and the reality: we are in control of our health. If we take and use that control we will be happier. If we are happier, the world will be a better place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
